Random (Disgusting?) Pizza

What's the best way to break some writer's block? Dumb shit, of course.

Pizza are a staple food of the tabletop game: cheap, generally affordable, filling and usually something most people at the table will enjoy. Most people are generally content with pepperoni and cheese or all-dressed. However, my old tabletop group was...different. It gave birth to unholy, one-of-a-kind abominations as we desperately tried to fit as many unique toppings on a Domino's Pizza online ordering in the early 2010. The end result was (usually) hardly disgusting, usually quite delicious but always a tad bit strange if not disturbing to outsiders. This is a (stupid) post written as an ode to these days gone by, never to come back. There's no pineapple on these tables because fuck pineapple on pizza.

This one is tame, all things considered.

D6	Meat (Roll 1d4 Times, Re rolling identical results)
1-2	Pepperoni
3	Sausage
4	Ham
5	Beef
6	Chicken

D12	Toppings (Roll 1d4+1 times)
1	Extra Cheddar
2	Feta
3	Green Pepper
4	Jalapeno
5	Mushrooms
6	Onions
7	Red Pepper
8	Black Olives
9	Tomatoes
10	Green Olives
11	Dried Tomato
12	Spinach

Yay. Stupid filler.

Sandbox Tools: Random Fruit

The adventuring party is in a faraway land and encounter fruits: perhaps they are in some exotic locale and find these at a local market or perhaps they are deep within the jungle or maybe lost at sea and hungry when they come across an unexplored island. Either way, they come across some fruits.

Pokémon Berries by wadjet-bast

D8	Shape	Adjective	Color	Taste (1d2)
1	Berry-Like: Small and round. You need to eat many to be filled.	Bright	Red	Sweet
2	Round: Mostly perfectly round, much like an apple.		Blue	Sour
3	Heart: A bit shaped like a heart.	Dark	Green	Salty
4	Oblong: Elongated and a bit flat.		Yellow	Bitter
5	Spiky: It has a naturally hard shell with protrusions around it.	Dull	Orange	Pungent
6	Pear: Similar in shape to that of a pear.		Pink	Astringent
7	Long: A long and thin fruit.	Faded	Purple	Spicy
8	Crescent: A long fruit with a natural curve to it.		Brown	Foul

Random Hamburger

Time to eat some hamburgers, OSR-style! No more of that pansy 'put what you want inside your burger'. No, no, these are randomly generated hamburgers which require you to roll on tables to see what you'll have in your hamburger. No more of that proper diet balancing or checking for sodium or account for taste. This is a real man's hamburger!

A blog with a picture of a hamburger.
How original of me.

How much Hit Dice does it have? What's the bun type?

d6	Bun
1-3	Sesame Seed Bun. Because why redo perfection?
4	Slice bread. The original burger bun. Look it up!
5	Kaiser Bread.
6	English Muffin. Gain +1 to breakfast.

What's the patty made of?

d6	Patty
1-3	Beef.
4	Pork.
5	Chicken.
6	Meat substitute/veggie burger.

What do you put in the burger?

d10	Sauce
1	Ketchup.
2	Ketchup+Mustard.
3	Mustard.
4	Mustard+Relish.
5	Relish.
6	Relish+Ketchup.
7	Ketchup+Mustard+Relish.
8	BBQ Sauce.
9	Mayonnaise.
10	Salsa.

d8	Cheese
1	No cheese.
2	That disgusting orange slice cheese.
3	Cheeze Whiz.
4	Cheddar.
5	Brie.
6	Monterrey Jack.
7	Goat Cheese.
8	Swiss Cheese.

d6	Roll 1d4 times.
1	Lettuce.
2	Tomato.
3	Bacon.
4	Onions.
5	Olives.
6	Jalapeno.